I didn’t used to listen very well when people gave me advice. It was hard for me to not roll my eyes and tune out whoever was telling me what they think I should do. Nowadays I appreciate when I receive {wise} advice from people, especially marriage advice. Seriously, it gets absorbed like there’s a sponge lodged between my ears. I’m learning that marriage is like life. We are not meant to do this alone, we need help along the way. Thankfully we have a handful of people in our lives that have been willing to share advice and it does not go unheeded. Our mentor couple has been a big blessing because they have given us tangible, attainable ways to have a healthy marriage. We regularly employ their “rough draft” technique, which are the two words we use to preface the thoughts we have that are not yet perfectly worded but need to be shared in any given moment. The recipient of the “rough draft” information knows to not take offense to what they are told and it creates a safe atmosphere to be totally honest. The important detail is that we ask each other for permission to use these two little words before just blurting out "dude you stink!" or something like that. Here is an example: Me: “Rough Draft?” DJ: "Sure." Me: “I really love it when you cook for me, but you know that meat and rice concoction you made? Can you please not let that happen again?" Done and done. My face un-scrunches, my shoulders relax, and I know I have been heard.
~Mrs. P
The "rough draft" technique has guided us out of a few potential rough spots, and I am thankful for its implementation into our marriage. It's perfect for those times where you feel that you "need" to say something, but you also recall Thumper saying "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all." This allows me to get out whatever it is I have to say, but it also tells Danielle that I really don't mean to hurt her feelings if I do. One of the times that I used this was when a request I have made a few times that was not being adhered to. Being the ridiculous safety observer that I am I have requested many times for Danielle to drive with the lights on in our car-day or night-because it increases visibility. My car shuts the lights off whenever the car is turned off and so you never need to touch the lever. To this day this request is not met and one day I was frustrated enough to say something. "Danielle, rough draft? (waits for approval) I honestly don't understand why you don't leave the lights on after I've asked that you do?" I knew that it sounded rough in my head, so I needed to preface it with my get out of jail free card. So she honestly just answered that it was a force of habit from her previous car, and it wasn't personal. Sure this seems a little trivial but that seems to happen every so often in marriage. It's those times that the little things flare you up, and this is our way of dealing with it without making the other feel attacked. Thanks Mora's, for this little gem.
~ Mr. P
Like. :)
ReplyDelete