One thing I struggle with is not knowing when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak up about something. I read a few books before I got married because I wanted to be prepared and have my head in the game, you see. Sprinkled among the great advice in these books was some that left me bewildered. Like the woman who wrote that if a couple is going somewhere and the man unknowingly takes a wrong turn or misses an exit, and continues driving them away from their destination, the woman is not to say anything. She is to let her husband find out on his own that they are not in Kansas anymore, Todo. Thankfully DJ disagreed with this advice and said I am welcome to speak up before he runs the state line or something. But then there are times when I really don’t know if a situation calls for me to speak up as a partner or keep quiet and let him sort it out on his own. Lately this confusion on my part has to do with our finances and our jobs. Like many people in their mid twenties, we are both working towards long term career goals and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel is going to last at least a few more years, so patience is required. In the meantime I am often tempted to try and "help out" and send DJ income opportunities I come across that I think he may like while he is working hard to get through school. I have been a career counselor for the last four years and enjoy helping people in this area. However, there is a difference between my role as a counselor and my role as a wife. Sometimes the line gets blurry for me and when that happens, I need to squint. And I need to pray. For wisdom, for direction, and for discernment.
~Mrs.P
Communication is such a fickle thing, especially when you have two people who say they speak the same language but entirely different dialects. It's not only what's said, but the ears that transpose what's said into alien tongue. For me, this is rather difficult because what I've come to find out is that encouragement, advice, correction, and jokes are VERY gender specific. Men don't listen very well because we're fixers and don't like to get too deep because this will produce the ever feared "feelings". When men need to talk we tend to only listen to enough to figure out how to fix the situation. Why else would someone tell us their woes? The difference is that women actually talk and lay out their hearts just to keep those they love updated. They don't want advice, they just want someone to listen. This is hard for me because my love for Danielle makes me want to help, and I fight everything I am to not say "what I would do in this situation is..." The way guys encourage one another is to make fun of, shame or give each other a swift kick in the butt to get moving. I have found this also does not translate well to Danielle because this "is not loving." Of course it's not loving-men aren't worried about loving on each other- they want to get back to the game! Due to my lack of knowledge/experience in female communication this has been my biggest struggle. This is my confession, apology and main area of focus in where I can best serve Danielle.
~Mr P
I love your vulnerability. Thanks for sharing, friends. It's so awesome to see your marriage as an example to what will come for me one day. You help me see that it won't be perfect, but that with God and a strong love for each other, you learn and grow to work together and improve in the areas of weakness.
ReplyDeleteuhmm, not sure that I see any solutions here but this does sound like marriage :).......love the kids photos...I missed cake! was there a birthday??
ReplyDeleteNo birthday, just cake for the sake of cake, Come hang out soon!
ReplyDelete