Eye Before "E" Except After See

I don’t need to read Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti to know that my husband and I are two people operating with two very different minds. An example is in order: I chopped 5 inches of hair off my head not long after we got married. I sat in the swivel chair telling my stylist that I can’t wait for my husband to see my new look and blah blah blah…” So when I picked him up from work that night and he didn’t mention my hair immediately or even at all, the steam began to pour out of my ears like a boiling tea kettle. I finally asked him, “DIDN’T YOU NOTICE I CUT MY HAIR, LIKE ALMOST HALF A FOOT??” He hadn’t. Now I preface all hair cuts with “babe, I am cutting my hair today and when I pick you up from work, I would like for you to notice and compliment me right away.” This is not to say that my husband lacks observation skills. He is far more observant than me. Another example is in order: I sent him a picture of a bird’s eye-close up view of the inside of my empty starbucks cup. His challenge was to name the mystery item. Within two minutes he sent me this- “It’s the bottom of a condensed paper coffee cup. You can see the coffee grinds in the picture. Also the identifying line in the top right of the pic making it a paper cup and not a Styrofoam one that comes in one solid piece.” Say whaaat? I couldn’t do that, telling you right now. What’s the point in this? Don’t underestimate my fella for not having the observation skills of a woman because he is not a woman, he is a man, and he has his own set of skills that are impressive in their own right.

~Mrs. P 

Getting Danielle on the same page as me has at times been a challenge in itself. Why do I notice when the knives are in the wrong order in our knife set? Why does it bother me if somehow she puts the dvd's back in non alphabetical order? The tools go in a specific spot according to the predesignated shape that is in the holder! I like things in a particular order, not because I'm OCD necessarily, but because if I didn't keep a system I would be lost. But it's the embarrassing times that Danielle has been O so keenly observant that makes me cringe. Example being; coming back from Africa and the malaria medicine that was given. The medicine that could give you a very sensitive stomach and leave you sitting on the porcelain think tank for longer than you'd care to admit. So right before we got married I'm living in the apartment and setting things up for after the wedding. I had taken the time to set up her prize shower curtain that she had already taken back due to a slight pattern blemish. One night while desperately trying to get home on time before the medicine sucker punched me, I lost that battle right at the entry of the bathroom and made a mess I would not like to explain at this point. I Kaboom'd the crud out of that bathroom (literally) and thought I had gotten everything. A day or two later she's in the bathroom for not more than 25 secs when I hear the dreaded "Dujuan Parham!" Of course she would notice some light spatter on the curtain and with my tail between my legs I take the walk of shame. I knew she wouldn't buy the whole "I was eating chocolate ice cream while shaving" bit that I was coming up with. I admitted to it very sheepishly, explained the story and my shame and she actually ended up cleaning the curtain for me. That's when I knew that it was really true love!

~ Mr. P

The rule of 3

This was introduced to our relationship sometime during our engagement period. It is hard to recall who even came up with it but it works so well that we both take the credit. It goes like this, whenever one of us has been a bit too sarcastic with our speech, or criticized our partner; we have to say 3 kind things to them. This can be anything from a compliment about their appearance to acknowledging something positive about their character or something they did that was thoughtful. Sometimes it’s tricky because the person who was wronged can contest the list if they feel it’s too fluffy and the person at fault has to think of 3 new things. This forces us to pause and reflect on the qualities about our mate that we appreciate, and once that mindset is in place, it’s contagious. Most likely we will carry the rule of 3 into our parenting and our kids will become quite comfortable with complimenting each other and being complimented.

~Mrs. P

This rule has saved a few fights for us and is based upon a simple principle, is my glass half empty or half full? Why focus on the negative when I really should be focusing on just how great I know Danielle is. I then GET to focus on the positive of not only the moment but my wife’s character. These little moments realign my thinking and help me be a better partner. This rule also helps when I’m feeling attacked and I want to feel appeal to the nicer side of my wife. It’s a kick start in the right direction and reminds us of why we’re here in the first place.

~Mr. P 

It is time... for the FIRST top 10 list!

top ten things that have weirded us out surprised us about living with our spouse... 

1. He has at least twice as many clothes and three times as many shoes as me
2. He collects ties, beanies, hats (dating back to the 6th grade that no longer fit his head), every Nintendo player in existence, and shot glasses
3. Farting comes in many shapes and sizes. Some of which burn your eyes and nostrils. 
4. Farting is apparently appropriate around the clock, unless the dude wants some romance. Then all gluteus maximus functions shut down voluntarily

5. Dude likes his spices and condiments. We go through garlic pepper and bbq sauce like there’s no tomorrow 

6. He needs to have all the tv and wii remotes by his side at all times because goodness knows the world will end if I am holding any object requiring you to point and press down 
7. He is a walking space heater so I don’t buy socks anymore 
8. He alphabetizes his DVD’s and books and notices if anything is out of order even slightly  
9. He isn’t really sloppy and he doesn’t snore but he does leave the toilet seat up 
10. The pile. Every night he takes off his clothes and instead of putting them away he shoves them in a pile under his side of the bed. 
~Mrs. P 

1 – We share everything: except coffee, chocolate, wine and thai food. ( I just wanted to try it)

2 – Passing gas is not ok on a plane, on a train, on a boat or on a goat (Africa), in the car, at the bar, in bed, on her head (you had to be there), at the table, while watching cable, in the chair or anywhere!

3 – Willow, the 5^th Element and Star Wars are apparently not some of the best films of all time.

4 – My wardrobe (although stated to be vast) is not attractive. How did I get Danielle then?... How did I get Danielle!?

5 – 23 pictures of us in the apartment is not too much (Is she going to forget what we look like?)

6 – I’m a pack rat: yes I do need to keep every good bag, container, cord, wire, just in case we need it.

7 – Cleaning your toenails is not ok to do in bed (even though I can account for all 10 nails – I think)

8 – Pants cannot be worn 2 weeks in a row, 1 week is the cut off for that.

9 – There actually are some people did not know how to cook canned peas, there are only 50 states not 52 and that’s the shifter not the clutch. (you're welcome, that one was for free)

10 – Sponges cannot be used for cleaning the shower and the dishes (who knew?)

~Mr. P 

perfection: leave it at the door.

One thing the sappy romantic comedies (of which I am a fan) often leave out is what happens after the happy ending? Because I’m pretty sure it isn’t all sunshine and “good morning dear, your coffee is ready. I added the perfect amount of hazelnut creamer, just the way you like it.” Since we got back from our honeymoon and reality hit us gently in the forehead, I’ve been asking myself the same question. How am I supposed to be a wife? And, how can we make this thrilling, day in and day out, when truthfully, I’m not that interesting most of the time. I put tons of pressure on myself to keep him entertained while looking cute and having a cozy yet stylish apartment where I serve him elaborate dinners and romance him every night. Whew! I’m tired just thinking about it. As these expectations I placed on myself swirl ‘round & round in my head, something funny occurs. I realize that I don’t always look that cute. Sometimes we eat frozen pizza. And our apartment is just okay. But you know what? We laugh a lot of the time.  I feel freedom to do a random little jig whenever the mood strikes. I enjoy hearing about his day and telling him about mine and holding hands while we watch a movie. So it’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. What I’ve learned is that we have time to get this right. Perfection and its ugly cousin, Expectations can be left at the door. And yes, sappy movies could show the couple’s first fight in the credits, but it’s sorta nice that they’ve left something to our imaginations. ~Mrs. P

O, the expectations and thoughts of perfection. I definitely fall short of all the above. Expectations are hypothetical best case scenarios that tend to fall short, and the only perfect thing I’ve ever heard of is Jesus. The way that I operate is taking on the charming stylings of Clark W Griswold from the unfortunate chronicles of that loving family. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing but whatever I do I will put my all into it and do it with a great attitude no matter what the results. You know what they say, “fake it till you make it and they will hardly know the difference.” I know that I we will never be perfect but as long as we know that we’re perfect for each other (being that we give grace and forgiveness daily) then we can bless one another that way. I find myself confused a lot as to the fact that women are a lot more confusing but take it as a challenge to learn the intricacies and details that make Danielle who she is and maybe one day find out why she would even hang out with the likes of me. Short story longer, I will never be what she expects and I will never be perfect but my prayer is to be EXACTLY what Danielle needs. ~Mr.P

Here are some examples of expectations that fell short within our first week of marriage:

◊ Our wedding night hotel lost our confirmation and we spent 30 minutes in the lobby while they questioned us about being con artists, dressed up in fancy attire to try and score a free room. Seriously.

◊ We missed our flight to Cabo because we arrived 15 minutes past the check in cut off time. Thus, our plane left without us. 

◊When we finally made it to Cabo, DJ wanted to take me on a fancy sushi dinner date. Despite all the raving reviews of this particular restaurant we tried, the sushi was basically inedible and we walked away still hungry and 50 bucks poorer.

◊ One of us spent two of the four days in Cabo hunched over the toilet puking ourselves into a stupor, due to not being careful with our menu choices.

We learned quickly that expecting perfection is silly. Stuff is going to go wrong. Parades will be rained on. However, usually things turn out just fine, maybe even better than our expectations. We received an additional stay at the hotel along with an upgrade. We had a day to relax and enjoy being married before our official honeymoon began. And the sushi story, well that just makes us laugh, and sometimes, that is enough.