love

The hardest part of being married and the biggest mindset change is loving someone else more than you love yourself. It can easily be done when you’re getting along but our strongest instinctual instinct is self preservation and when you’re fighting, that concept is hard to do. In the heat of the argument, I tend to stop talking if I’m getting mad or our voices are starting to become “whispering challenged”. I do get in trouble for this but my theory is that I would rather be in trouble for not talking then get in trouble for speaking out of anger and making things exponentially worse for myself. Don’t get me wrong, there are times for yelling and shouting; roller coasters, Charger games, and at star trek fans (because star wars is better! Does star trek have a nationally recognized religion in Britain? I think not). When Danielle and I started dating, I was at my most selfish, prideful point in my life, and I feel that I have come a long way. Through a lot of difficult circumstances, God was saying “grow up stupid!” I was shocked back into reality and was lucky enough to have a woman who loved me for who I am. Reading through Exodus right now, there is a time where Moses offers up his eternal soul so that the people of Egypt could have a chance of going to heaven. I wish that we could all be a little more like Moses and Jesus who both loved people enough to not only lay down their lives, but would lay down their eternal souls so that people could have hope. That is the most amazing example of loving someone else more than yourself. I love Danielle more than I love myself, I’m proud to say that I do, because I know that our marriage will not work if I am #1 in my own heart.

~Mr. P

I think DJ's idea to talk about a challenge that comes with marriage (loving another more than you love yourself) is a good one, because often, I believe it really boils down to that. However, it is not something we will become great at right away. In fact, the pastor of the church whose sermons we often listen to online, Mark Driscoll, has said that it takes about 10-14 years of marriage for our selfishness to dissipate somewhat and for us to really put the other person first. 10-14 years...WOW. In a way that is very encouraging because it means I don't have to feel like a complete failure for not having the whole sacrificial love thing down yet. Believe me, I mess up frequently in this department. Whatever movie quoted "love means never having to say you're sorry" was hugely misleading. As a person who had grown up with the idea that marriage is a shaky institution at best and hardly ever lasts, I really did not intend to go through with it myself. And then I went on a blind date with this goofy guy who I knew from five years back... and the idea of marriage suddenly didn't seem so unappealing. Now that we are half a year into this, I can say with certainty that I married the right person {for me} because even though I am a stubborn and complicated woman, DJ is really good at putting me first and laying his pride aside in any given situation. On my worst days when I'm snappy and irritable, and just want him to leave me alone so I can read a book and eat unhealthy amounts of sour patch kids, he doesn't use that as an excuse to be a jerk in return. So in a way, I am learning about love and sacrifice from him, and from Him. 

~Mrs. P